I am not a religious person. There is something strange to me about people who turn their whole lives over to Him and wait for Him to tell them what His plan for their life is. How about taking some responsibility for yourself.
I am not naive enough to think that there is no "higher power" out there. There are too many unexplainable phenomenons and mysteries for me to believe that. I guess I would check the box
"spiritual but not religious" if forced to make a choice.
Where is all of this coming from? Recently I have been overwhelmed with the number of people who are bringing God into adoption just to suit their own wants. They are praying for a baby. Do they realize that they are praying for a mother to abandon their baby? It reminds me of stories I have heard about people who need organ transplants but struggle with the reality of it. In order for them to live they need someone else to die. How do you celebrate that. It's the same thing with adoption. In order for these people to get a baby, a mother, a father and their entire extended families have to lose a child and that child loses them. That child has to then grow up with biological and cultural strangers where nothing seems familiar and live in constant fear of being abandoned again.
Adoption is not a blessing. It is a business. Women, young, poor, unmarried, you name it are taken advantage of. They are told that they are not capable of taking care of a baby and that they should do the right thing, the unselfish thing and give up their babies. They are told to think of all of the people out there who can't have children, they deserve a child. Do it because you love them people say. How does this make sense? It doesn't. Do you know how confusing it is to be told that "your mother gave you up because she loved you and wanted you to have a better life"? I grew up waiting for others people I loved to abandon me because that's apparently what you do when you love someone and want them to be happy.
The bottom line is that agencies make money off of these women. For some reason people feel that they are entitled to have a baby and it doesn't matter who gets hurt in the process. Having a baby isn't a right. If you are infertile and can't have children I feel bad for you, I really do. But adoption is not a cure for in fertility. You don't deserve a child anymore than someone deserves to lose one.
Don't tell me God wants you to have a child. If he did, why are you infertile? God doesn't put babies in the "wrong bellies". Society makes that decision. If you truly want to fulfill His will, why don't you volunteer or donate money to a teen pregnancy program. Help babies stay with their mothers, the mother God intended for them.
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3 years ago
4 comments:
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I am so sorry for your loss. You don't know me but I came across your blog and my heart is breaking for you. I could hear the anguish and bitterness in your words and the longing...I understand the longing.
I wish that I could offer some words of comfort or say something miraculous that would take the pain away. I know that I can't. I sincerely hope that my commenting doesn't cause you further pain. Despite those who have turned adoption into a business, please know that there are many of us who have a sincere desire to turn circumstances that we didn't choose into ones of victory and healing. I am praying for that for you and I mean that completely sincerely.
You made some valid points - I myself was adopted and lied to about it. My adoptive family was abusive and abandoned me when I reached adulthood and didn't want me after they could have "their own children". I still have no idea who my birth family is or anything about them and have no rights to this information because it was a "closed" adoption.
I have never been comfortable with the way young, poor and unwed women are made to feel selfish if they want to keep their baby and how they should want to give them away to someone "more deserving".
However, what about the older children in foster homes or where the birth family really doesn't want them? Or children who are truly orphaned? I think adoption could be a blessing for them...I know I wish I had a family. It's really hard to make it in this world on your own when no one cares.
Best of luck to you - sorry for your loss.
I came upon your comments on a site that was petitioning against the horrendous movie, Orphan. I saw you talk a little about your story so I thought I would come and find you here. I have thought of you often since I read your comments ... I suppose pondering the things you said .. not in judgement .. but from the perspective a Mom who has been blessed with a child through adoption. Would she feel the same way ... will she feel so angry and hurt by this broken world?
I don't know you and you don't me. I hope that through our black and white words .. we won't judge one another. I wanted you to know how sorry I am for your brokenness in this broken world and for the great loss you have had in your life. I know you say not to pray for you and I know you don't believe that the Lord would have his hand in adoption but I have been a part of a very different story that he has written in my life and the life of my amazing little girl. I am not a mom of infertility and in fact I have two biological children. With that, however, I have also been incredibly blessed to adopt a beautiful and amazing little girl from 1/2 way around the world. My daughter, birthed into a society that puts little value in girls, was placed on the steps of the police station. My daughters birth Mom risked her very life to give her daughter life! I am forever grateful for that sacrifice. My little girl will someday know that when her birth Mom could have chosen to terminate her .. she chose LIFE instead .. a courageous, brave and loving decision! Though I don't know your story, I know that your birth mother must have had to make an incredibly emotional and difficult decision to place you into another home. And yes .. the process and our world is broken but the Lord did make a way for both your adopting parents and you to be made as complete as he could - we chose to sin against him .. and he chose to make good of our messes! Jesus himself was adopted ... the perfect example of our own adoption and of yours. I am truly saddened by your loss and cannot begin to understand the hole that fills your life .. the not knowing ,, the not understanding. BUT as a mom of a beautiful little girl that was born of my heart .. I assure you that I love her as much and as complete as I love the two children that were born of my womb. The Lord took what was broken and shameful in our world and made it good and complete .. he gave me her and he gave her US! So, while you ask us to not pray, I am. I am praying that you will see just how much you were loved .. not once by a birth mother, not twice by the family who chose to love you but three times .. by the Lord who wrote into your story ... his story!
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